When Your Spouse is Away: The Realities of Military Training Season

Even when your service member isn’t officially deployed, life as a military spouse can feel like its own kind of deployment. Right now, my husband is away for helicopter training, and while it’s an amazing opportunity for him — something we both agreed on and fully support as a family — it doesn’t make it any easier for those of us holding down the fort.

Honestly? The hardest part isn’t the big stuff — it’s the daily routine. Our three-year-old has lots of “I miss my dad” moments. And let me tell you, nothing makes a Monday feel longer than a tiny human crying, “I want Daddy!” while I’m trying to convince him that no, Dad cannot come home immediately, even if helicopters are flying directly over our house. Some days, I break down right alongside him. Other days, we try to be a functioning family and talk about what Dad is doing, why it matters, and how proud we are of him. Nightly storytime with Dad, whenever we can manage it via video call, has become our little anchor — or at least our little Wi-Fi-dependent lifeline.

There are also the tiny, joyful moments that make the distance feel a little smaller. Like whenever helicopters fly overhead, my son yells, “There’s my Dad!” — because apparently, every helicopter is Dad. My son and I have also established Donut Fridays, a sacred tradition celebrating surviving another week without completely losing our minds. And on some afternoons, we make art for Daddy to take back to school — usually scribbles that look like abstract modern art, but hey, it’s the thought that counts. Those little rituals give us closeness, laughter, and, most importantly, evidence that we are not completely failing at this parenting thing.

What’s surprised me the most this season is the anger I feel sometimes. I get frustrated that he’s away pursuing this amazing opportunity — something we fully support — leaving me to juggle everything solo. Part pride, part resentment, part exhaustion, and part why did we think this was a good idea? But here’s the trick I’m learning: it’s okay to feel all of it. Sometimes that means going for a walk just to get a little headspace. Sometimes it means letting yourself have a meltdown over spilled Cheerios or a Lego trip hazard — because yes, Legos are still out to get me — then picking yourself up and moving forward.

One thing I’ve been proud of is learning to identify my feelings and their root causes. I used to be a master at ignoring emotions until they exploded at the least convenient time (like during a toddler meltdown in Target). Now, I can at least pause, name what I’m feeling, and move forward — or at least try to. That skill has made a huge difference, not just for me, but for my little one too.

If you’re a military spouse navigating this kind of season, here’s what I want you to know: it’s okay to feel mad, frustrated, sad, or overwhelmed. Talk about it. Don’t stuff it down. Hiding your feelings doesn’t make you stronger — it makes you a ticking time bomb of sarcasm and wine consumption.

And while every day brings its challenges, one small but powerful practice has been sticking to routines, no matter how unpredictable schedules get. Even when Dad’s training shifts around, we hold on to storytime, Donut Fridays, and little art projects — these rituals give both me and my son stability and reassurance, and they make the distance feel a little smaller.

Being a military spouse teaches resilience, patience, and flexibility. It also teaches that it’s okay to be human, to feel deeply, and to laugh at yourself when life gets messy — like when your toddler paints himself more than the paper, or when you accidentally drink the last sippy cup of milk that was definitely for him. Celebrate the small wins: a bedtime story that goes smoothly, a shared laugh, or a moment when your little one feels a little closer to the parent they miss so much.

Life during training seasons isn’t easy, but it’s real, it’s raw, and it’s ours. If I can offer one tip to fellow spouses: talk, cry, walk, breathe, stick with your routines — and laugh whenever possible. Helicopter flyovers, Donut Fridays, and tiny masterpieces for Daddy are just the small, hilarious reminders that even when life is messy, it’s still pretty great.